Self Help for Myself

As some may or may not know I was in a relatively brief but absolutely wonderful – if improbable - relationship and it has ended.  I kept saying things like; On paper this should not work.  I am going to make sure that I absolutely enjoy every moment so that there are no regrets if/when it finishes. I am going to live in the moment.  I told everyone that I was having so much fun that it would be OK no matter what happened.    Well ‘What” happened.    And as a good friend observed: – “yes you had it all figured out in your head – but your head is a loooooong way from your heart in situations like this.”  So true.

So now it is time to heal the heart and use the brain. I immediately vowed not to fall into an eating, drinking depressed state.  I have always wondered if I liked my famously favorite libation of Gin and Tonic a little bit too much.  I have found out that I don’t – they don’t even taste good at the moment. No need to join AA. Phew!   I am also not very hungry – I keep making food and giving it away – good for the neighbors and a savior for my waistline.  I vowed to keep working out – ‘everyone’ says that working out is good for you endorphins and all of that – you know the same thing that gets released when you have sex.  Well for now that is going to have to be my satisfaction because ‘other guys’ aren’t working for me at the moment and for the foreseeable future.

I also discovered that the priest was right. In one of the few sermons I remembered from my childhood,  he said – if you are feeling like crap, put on a smile and people will smile back and soon you will be feeling all better. OK maybe I changed the wording a bit.  And since I am having trouble smiling more than once or twice a day I have adapted his advice.   You should see the brightly colored outfits I am putting together – imagine – purple shoes, pink J-Crew cords with ice skates on them and a baby blue twin-set.  I am sure it made SOMEONE smile – or laugh.

I am a life coach – I help others with mind mapping – I lead teams and try to inspire others in my work so I  have made a concerted effort to try and take SOME of my own advice.    This is the true test – am I full of BS or do I know what I am talking about.

Focus: What do you really want? … “I want what I had!” says a whiny voice in my head .  This is followed by all of the wonderful things that were a part of the past few months– STOP – control what you can and let go of the rest.  Focus on what you need and want for today, for the rest of the year, for the next 5 years.  I’m working on that in between the occasional rerun of Bewitched – when I of course am focus on seeing if I can wiggle my nose and make magic happen.

Write it down! Make that list of those goals of what you want.  Well I have the list making gene – I make lists all the time -  borderline obsessively.  Do they have a self -help group for compulsive list makers? I currently have the following lists active: Christmas lists, Things to do around the house, Potential speaking opportunities to contact, Things I have forgotten to do,  Places I still want to visit, People to email lists (granted it might be quicker just to email them), A list of what I want my body fat  and my bench press to be – hopefully they are inversely related. A list of what time I am going to get up - - phasing into December 21st so I can see the sunrise – my favorite part of the day.. This is coupled with the time to go to bed so I get 8 hours of sleep – my ‘healthy’ amount.

Even my friends are in on the list making. I have a friend on the west coast who is sending me a list of things that I remembered I had to do when I was talking to her so it is in my inbox when I wake up – Hopefully at sunrise.

Finally, a note on friends.  Everyone needs a friend.  I counsel that on teams and in workplaces, everyone needs to have at least one good friend – it can be a mentor or someone at the same level or someone that you barely work with on a daily basis but someone who’s ‘got your back’ and can gossip – I mean share information - with and laugh with.  This has been proven to help productivity and to increase the retention of employees.  We all need to build a team of friends around us so when disappointments and occasionally tragedy comes to be there is someone who listens – who knows the history – sees the humor in things like; just when you were trying to block out all of the 2000 daily reminders of  ‘him’  and are on the elliptical giving it hell, sweating to ZZ Top’s “She’s Got Legs!” up pops Obama on CNN and announces the Secretary of Education who’s name is the one you are trying to block!  All you can do is cry or laugh but I choose to laugh!

So my toast this holiday season is going to be – here is to collecting more lines on my face by laughter!   Bring on 2009!